Whinypaluza Tip of the Week May 13th

Enhance Your Love Maps: A love map is your knowledge about your partner's world, including their worries, hopes, and dreams. Cultivate a detailed love map of your partner by asking them questions and genuinely listening to their responses. This helps in creating a strong foundation of friendship and intimacy.

Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration: This is one of the most crucial elements in a satisfying and long-term relationship. Remind yourself of your partner’s positive qualities—even as you grapple with their flaws—and express your appreciation and respect regularly.

Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away: Acknowledge your partner's bids for attention, affection, and support. This could be as simple as responding positively to their comments or engaging with them when they point something out. Turning toward each other consistently strengthens your connection.

Let Your Partner Influence You: Happy marriages are often characterized by a high degree of mutual respect and consideration, where both partners are willing to share power and decision-making. This means genuinely taking your partner’s feelings and opinions into account.

Solve Your Solvable Problems: Gottman differentiates between perpetual problems and solvable problems in a relationship. For solvable problems, use a soft approach to start a dialogue, learn to make and receive repair attempts (like using humor or offering a caring remark), soothe yourself and each other, compromise, and be tolerant of each other’s faults.